In large families, children have to constantly compete for the attention of parents. And at the slightest suspicion of one of the children that they love him less, the scandal in the family is inevitable. Why are children jealous of each other? Is it worth it to scold them for it and what to do so that they conflict less?
In most cases, jealousy and rivalry between brothers and sisters are caused by the desire to achieve praise, approval and evidence of parental love. The firstbits suffer from jealousy, since they lived for more or less for a long time, taking advantage of the undivided attention of mom and dad.
Often a jealous child is not confident in himself, experiences fear, is afraid that he is not at all like or appreciated less than another. That is why he should be treated as a person who is experiencing a difficult period.
Like any person in a difficult period of life, the child needs to assure in parental love and that he can always rely on them. He needs affection, care and understanding of parents who could gently make it clear that his behavior is not always acceptable.
If the child is to deprive the opportunity to show his jealousy openly, he will suppress these emotions and not express in any way, but he will be enough for a short time. It is likely that the next time jealousy will make itself felt in a more dangerous form.
What is not worth doing?
It is wrong to punish children for such behavior, this will only confirm his fears that they love him not enough. He will perceive it as a signal, that it is impossible to be jealous (therefore, no one recognizes or accepts his feelings), and he will only get worse from this.
Quarrels between brothers and sisters are a matter of course and inevitable. There are practically no families in which the children would live in love and harmony and would never conflict with each other.
Parents must be aware of this and not hope that their daughters and sons will always get along. Counting on this means to expect too much from your children.
A few steps to healing
- If you have not seen what happened between the children and where the quarrel or fight began, do not stand on someone else’s side. Say, for example: “It doesn’t matter who started first, we have a rule in our family: do not fight”.
- Install clear rules, explain what is allowed and what is prohibited, including during a quarrel. For example, that you can not rush into each other.
- Encourage children to solve the problem yourself: “I’m sorry that this happened, but
I’m sure you can find a way out without me”. If the cause of the quarrel has become a toy, it is better to pick it up with the words “I see, you can’t play this game without quarreling, so I will return it to you tomorrow”.
- Try to look for a solution to the problem, not guilty.
- Pay the same attention to all children and equally praise them.
- Try to build a relationship with each child, given his features, devoting a certain time to each of them.
- Spend time not only with them, but also in private with each.
- Often jealous children are convinced that nobody likes them. And the task of mom and dad is to increase the confidence of the child in his abilities, showing his love for him, praising him, paying attention to him. Mark its advantages and achievements, and do not focus on shortcomings and poor behavior.
- Stop comparing children: emphasizing their differences, you will only aggravate the situation and tighten them to rivalry.
- Do not scold or report a child for his hostility to brother or sister. He must be able to share his suffering and even express his anger. Let him feel that you understand him and recognize his difficulties.
- Do not take on the role of a policeman or judge: do not protect one of the children when they quarrel. Parents have the right to listen to complaints, but not to pass the verdict. Otherwise, the “victim” will take advantage of this in the future.
- Do not force one child to “adapt” to another all the time, citing the fact that the elders and strong should be inferior to the younger and weak.
- Brothers and sisters are not obliged to spend all the time together, each of them may have their own interests, their friends. Encourage this.
- And most importantly: do not follow these tips mete. All children are different, and their needs too.
- Brothers and sisters: where did you have so much enmity?
- Children’s jealousy: how to preserve the family world
- He will have a brother in our new family
- Children have conflict: do parents need to intervene?
- Brothers and sisters: how to help them love each other?
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